The League Of Extraordinary Chess Players
Sep 25 2002 Chess Playing Balls of Light Reported
Strange News from the Jax Chess News
The Queens Gambit Declined Slav Defense 1.d4 d5 2.c4 c6
End Game Lesson
Opening Lesson 1
Opening Lesson 2
Opening Lesson 3
Opening Lesson 4
Opening Lesson 5
Opening Lesson 6
Opening Lesson 7
Jacques Meises Dutch defence 1. d4 f5 2. g3 b6
The Staunton Gambit 1.d4 f5 2.e4
Scholastic pictures and crosstables


Chess Playing Balls of Light Reported

Strange Chess News by Bradley Zang  
"As the Secretary General of the United Nations, an organization of 147 member states who represent almost all of the human inhabitants of the planet Earth, I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship... " 
When these recorded words of Kurt Waldheim were sent into space on Voyager I in 1977 .
 Most didn't know he was a Nazi involved in German atrocities in Yugoslavia and Greece. 
Or that lying and insincerity could be detected by inflections in voice patterns. (ie. The Voice Stress Analyser) Voyager has now been sighted past Pluto in uncharted space. 
Hopefully nothing will come of it. But this faux pas does remind us that we should be more careful with first contact.
With this background let Jay Amritraj tell you his story. " First of all, let me thank you. When I read your Elmers of Chess article, I knew the Jax Chess News would be the only news letter willing to hear my story.
 I am a ham radio operator myself station VU2CHK. I've studied under Elmer Master Asari in Mirzapur India. At dinner I used to speculate all the time about life forms from outer space. 
One day my wife asked, " Did you ever invite Extra Terrestrials by radio for a game of chess?"
 Let me tell you a little about my wife. She is a great companion. We use to play chess all the time. She would cheat by taking back moves but I would just lovingly tweak her nose and say," I caught you."
In marriage you can't always do what you want to do.
 I do take her consil seriously. So the next day, November 23 2001, I asked her what frequency would aliens be listening to. 
My wife insisted I use the forbidden frequcies.
 I always wondered why my Elmer Master Asari, forbade everyone in Mizapur from broadcasting chess moves at frequencies from 25.55 to 26.67 MHz.
 I didn't want to do it but I could not defy my wife. She is of a higher caste. So I sent out the chess challenge invitation signal on a continuous repeating mode. I left the door open and sat at my chess board.
 Unbelievably,what looked like a ball of light did come in around midnight. 
I then heard a voice coming from my ham radio speaker. It called itself " Prana Chakras" which in my tradition has visited earth before.
 It continued " I accept your offer. Yes, I accept your offer but I can not stay too long. The celestial storm that produces neutrino cosmic wave I use as a carrier wave and energy source will soon be diminishing." We played many game.
 He won all of them, moving his pieces by some invisible energy force, but the last game we played went like this. 
He played white. In my experience aliens like to play the English 1. c4 Nf6 2. Nf3 d5 3. cxd5 Nxd5 4. e4 Nb4 5. d4 N8c6 6. Bb5 Bg4 7. d5 a6 8. Be2 Bxf3 9. Bxf3 Nd4 All of the sudden his queen and my knight at d4 started to shake. I knew that if he took my knight with his queen I could fork his King and Queen with knight to c2, a sure win. Suddenly the two pieces stopped shaking and he moved Na3.
 I told it you touched the Queen, at least move it. I was a tournament player here until they got rid of our rating system. 
I repeated, I play chess. You touched the Queen, move it. The ball of light just stood their. It wouldn't move the Queen.
 My wife tried to get me to give in so I lovingly pinched her nose.
 I finally knocked over the board and said get out of here you patzer. Suddenly the ball of light just started flying around the house it knocked over my wife and flew out the chimney.
 The next night, to my surprise, the town folks all complained about a ball of light approaching and then pinching them in the nose.
 The light came back to my door the next day but I wouldn't let him in. Its the principle of the thing.
 I was amazed to read the next day in the Times of India that an accident has indefinitely disabled Super-Kamiokande, a cutting-edge neutrino detector in Japan. The observatory is part of a early warning systems that will alert the world to the next celestial storm generated by a supernova, collapsing star or visitors using neutrino wave carriers. 
These Aliens have now been given a name by my people Muhnochwa "that which pinches your face."
 It has been seen by thousands in my Province since then. Probably looking for someone to play chess with. 
There have been protests 15000 strong where people complain that the police won't protect us from these balls of light.
 The Muhnochwa stills tries to get another game by speaking to me through my radio. 
However but I reply in the most famous words of your great Benjamin Franklin. "If you touch a piece, you must move it somewhere." 
We got these responses from people near Mizapur. 
Ghan Surapur a chess devotee says, "Their is no such thing as Muhnochwa. These balls of light are easily explained. Lightning strikes creating fractil clouds of carbon that hold the energy in a spherical shape. I can do the same thing by lighting a toothpick in my microwave stove" 
Anwar Birla, an apprentice Elmer of Chess player also from Jabalpur claims, "Their is no forbidden frequencies! It is a quiet zone for listeng of radio telescopes of the planet pluto."