The League Of Extraordinary Chess Players
Jan 25 2003 The Newtonians Strike Back
Strange News from the Jax Chess News
The Queens Gambit Declined Slav Defense 1.d4 d5 2.c4 c6
End Game Lesson
Opening Lesson 1
Opening Lesson 2
Opening Lesson 3
Opening Lesson 4
Opening Lesson 5
Opening Lesson 6
Opening Lesson 7
Jacques Meises Dutch defence 1. d4 f5 2. g3 b6
The Staunton Gambit 1.d4 f5 2.e4
Scholastic pictures and crosstables


The Newtonians Strike Back

Strange Chess News by Bradley Zang

The Newtonians Strike Back

We received a lot of complaints about Liebnitzians and the Monadian Chess Club. We couldn't get to all of them in this issue. One came from a British E Bay trader. (E Bay is a World Wide online Auction house).

His complaint was so unique we decided to include it in the Strange Chess News.

Let Burt Morland tell his story in his own words. "Dear Sir: Your last Strange Chess News had many erroneous assumptions. Gottfried Wilhelm von Liebnitz was not the innocent naive persecuted figure the Monadians would like you to think.

Your editor Bradley Zang was biased. Did you know what type of world Liebnitz and his follower were trying to create?

 Leibnitz once outlined plans for making a selfaware machines to oversee a society, based entirely on mathematically-encoded concepts.

 Your article presumed that British Newtonians hounded Leibnitzian to the point where they only felt safe in Hungary.

 Then why are most Leibnitzian English?

Augusta Ada Byron (First to write software applications of the Analytical Engine died 1852) was a English champion of the Leibnitzians goal. Her father Lord Byron (George Gordon Byron was an estranged English Whig nobelman and an Icon to Romantic poets.) hated the Newtonian.

 Lord Byron a cheiftain of the Monadian of Chess most far-reaching words were "Good company 's a chess-board--there are kings, Queens, bishops, knights, rooks, pawns; the world 's a game."

Lord Byron despite what the Monadians claim was not an angel. He was whispered to be the lover of Mary Schelley ( Writer), probably her husband Percy' certainly her sister Clair and his own married half-sister.

Oh, Percy was also the lover of Clair. (If your confused remember the British just made an Opera about the people on the Jerry Springer Show, to make fun of American culture)

 Mary Schelley's book Frankenstein was her way of showing contempt for the Liebnitzian cult led by Byron.

You want more British Monadians of Chess? Piggybacking on Augusta Ada Byron work Alan Mathison Turing (died 1954) ascended as the most prominent of them. Alan Turing invented the computational monad, you called artificial monad. (He is considered to be the founder of modern computor science, but more importantly wrote the first chess software.)

 When you chat with people on line, do you know if it is a real person you are talking to, or is it a conversation-simulator as proposed by Turing? (Turing Test) Think about it, not only can the computer pretend to be someone romantically interested during online chatting, it can choose someone else, romance them in your name, then arrange them to meet you thus controlling who we mate with; In other word, selective breeding to create better computer service people.

 Another British Monadian is Dr. Chris Winters of the famed Telecom Team. Telecom plans to develop a chip to be placed behind the eye to records people's experiences. Then after creating a DNA replica (Clones) they will encode the information on the new brain giving people some kind if immortality.

 Don't believe that is all the chip will do. It will limit our understanding to lie within mathematically-encoded concepts. Leibnitz's dream!!! They will promise us immortality but take away what?

 Well, they call the chips Soul Catchers. The Monadians of Chess need watching!!!

 Look how they have screwed up in the past. Did you ever here of Mephisto? Named after Mephistopheles a German medieval demon often associated with Leibnitz's pursuit of knowledge, trading knowledge for peoples souls. (Faust Legend)

Mestipho was a chess-playing machine or maybe a chess-playing cyborg. ( London 1876). Some skeptics thought some guy was hidden somewhere, perhaps inside the machine deciding its moves, but it won too many games against the great men of chess, to be just some guy. (Maybe Isador Gunsberg but he denied it.)

 Extraordinarliy it never beat a women. Then in 1883 it played and beat Mikhail Ivanovich Chigorin , perhaps the strongest player in the world. (Founder of the Russian school of chess. See game below) .

 How was Mephisto designed? From diagrams in a secret document written by Augusta Ada Byron.

You can wonder how, computer chips weren't invented yet. Part of the project was proposed by a Dr. Claus Zukertont a great monadian chess player and mortician. His theory was, If you could create a strong magnetic fields around a person at the time of his death, whatever escapes in the form of electrical neural patterns could be captured and then transferred to a disembodied brain.

Many scientist have proposed that consiousness is a merly a reverberating cuircuit on the thalmus region of the brain.

But what type of brain? A human brain, perhaps that of Howard Staunton kept alive partly by adding pig fetal brains stem cells to replace cell as they died. It was what we would call today the central processor of Mephisto.

The Monadians don't care what they do to create their Utopia or promote chess!

 Then on a rainy, foggy spring night in London while standing in a magnetic field generator he was tweaking, Dr Zukertont was struck dead by lightning. His assistant, Igo, discovered the body in the morning. He must have felt lucky to be able to transfer the captured neural pattern to the cyborgs brain.

 Then Igo got Charles Gumpel a man who did experiments with artificial limbs to help finish Dr. Zukertont's work, perfecting the robotics of its mechanical arms.

Mephisto brought Gumpel fame and fortune which allowed him to travel the world. He even found happiness in France through the sparkling eyes of Angelique a beautiful dancer he met wheh she starled him by kicking his hat off at a party. Angelique delighting in the opulent lifestyle he provided eventually became his mistress. She even shared in his interests like chess.

Then in 1899 Mephisto claimed it was dyeing. It couldn't hold Dr. Zukertont reverberating cuircuit any longer because it would eventually dissipate. It required another mind to take its place. It begged in the name of chess save it! Or did it feel all alone in that Brain?

 Gumpel wanted to help. He needed money to maintain his mistress in the life style she was accustom to. But he asked Mephisto, "How could you find a person, know exactly when they would die and envelope their body in a magnetic field?"

Mephisto said the logical thing was to electrocute someone during a chess game. Our intuitive concepts of right and wrong are not mathematically-encoded. People wondered why Mephisto alway lost to women and offered to shake their hand. Was it to find a soul-mate? It is said Gumpel refused Mephisto's plea, sent Igo away and locked the machine in a closet while on tour of Paris.

When he returned, he found the closet door ajar Angelique electrocuted, her chard lifeless hand still stuck holding Mepisto's mechanical hand. Fearing no one would believe him and that he might be charged with murder, he disposed of her body in the Seine river. (French tradition)

 This is the Legend of Mephisto. It is said Gumpel, broken hearted disassemble Mephisto and sent its parts to the four corners of the earth. Now the parts are being found and auctioned off on E Bay.

Worse monadians associated with Telecom artificial life team are buying all the parts to reassemble it. Please Investigate! It's easy I have records of the sales."

 Our editor Bradley Zang refused to allow us to form an investigation committee. He said, "How does Mephisto work? Electricity, Magnetic feilds that's not an answer. Also this anti- artificial intelligence stuff is worse than that nonsense the Newtonian of Chess Godel, Dreyfus and Penrose have put out. This is crazy stuff. If this guy thinks I'm biased why should I investigate. I'm not Newton."