The League Of Extraordinary Chess Players
March 25 2002 The Elmers of Chess
Strange News from the Jax Chess News
The Queens Gambit Declined Slav Defense 1.d4 d5 2.c4 c6
End Game Lesson
Opening Lesson 1
Opening Lesson 2
Opening Lesson 3
Opening Lesson 4
Opening Lesson 5
Opening Lesson 6
Opening Lesson 7
Jacques Meises Dutch defence 1. d4 f5 2. g3 b6
The Staunton Gambit 1.d4 f5 2.e4
Scholastic pictures and crosstables


The Elmers of Chess

Strange Chess News by Bradley Zang

 The Elmers of Chess are Ham Radio Masters who bounce signals off Near Earth Objects with chess moves on them.

Why? I am told, to add the risk of the move being rejected because it didn't bounce. You would then have to choose a different move. To be more specific Elmers are Ham Radio Masters who not only have a technological knowledge of Radio Communications, but practice a lifestyle around its use designed to quiet the thinking mind and move awareness, from the rational to the intuitive mode of consciousness.

Members of the Five Points Chess Master Club, (FPCMC Jacksonville) have been claiming for years that Elmers have been trying to get them into apprenticeships. Telling them stuff like, " It only cost 6 dollars to get a Ham License", " You don't need to know Morse code." and, They lowered the 35 multiple choice question test passing grade to a D so checker players could get in." Northeast Florida is not adverse to Radio Chess.

The Late Russ Donnelly (see openings section) past president of the Jacksonville Chess Club and founder of the Five Points Chess Club was one of the pioneers in radio chess. He had to discontinue the practice during WWII but picked it up again when stationed in Occupied Japan after the war. The reasons for its ban during the war besides it's use for blatant espionage were that one could unintentionally give the location of a regiment and troop movements just through conversation associated with the game.

Now comes the Island of Malta incident. Malta has a noble history some call it an independent nation, the Azure Window, beloved Island home, but lets be honest it is a Fort. If you were trying to make contact with a Potentially Dangerous Alien Presence. (PDAP) You would do it from a Fortress to avoid any chance of the Aliens taking over the transmission site.

 That is why Malta is the Hub for all Elmers Chess in the Old World. To make the case that it is a Fort I offer the words of Winston Churchill (Feb 9 1941), "I dare say you will have noticed a very significant air action which was fought over Malta a fortnight ago. The Germans sent an entire Geschwader (squadron) of dive-bombers to Sicily. They seriously injured our new aircraft carrier Illustrious, and then, as this wounded ship was sheltered in Malta harbor, they concentrated upon her all their force so as to beat her to pieces; but they were met by the batteries of Malta, which is one of the strongest defended fortresses in the world against air attack."

I am told by sources that the Elmers Chess Masters of Malta work secretly with the Astronomical Society of Malta and project Star Shine run by NASA. But is this really radio Chess?

 Lou Ryan of Malta say's "Its a variant so I won't participate. The chances that all your moves and your opponents moves will bounce and you will end up with a regular game of Chess are astronomical." Anyway Malta station 9HA3CP (lat 36 long 14.4) ie. Abe Saint, has been playing Elmers Chess with Titusville Florida Radio station KF4CFO ie. Bill Galante. Titusville which is located close to NASA seems to be the Grand Central Station of North American Ham Radio. The same reliable source states, that during the Space Coast Open there is at least one Elmer Master in each section. I asked Bill Galante , How he finds the objects he bounce off. He says, he uses Home Planet 3.1 software to find the location of Near Earth Objects for his bounces.

But let Bill tell his story in his own words, "While playing a common variation of the Ruy Lopez ( the Chigorin) 1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.Bb5 a6 4.Ba4 Nf6 5.0-0 Be7 6.Re1 b5 7.Bb3 d6 8.c3 0-0 9.h3 Na5 10. Bc2 c5 11d4 Qc7 I decided to try to bounce the move 12 Nb-d2 off the Comet Ikeya-Zhang on Feb 16 2002. My Elmer Master John Siks told me bouncing signals off comets was too difficult because of poor ionization at VHF. He recommended that I choose an astroid or the Moon for my games, but I wanted to be different. I was amazed when I got a response from my Malta counter part 9HA3CP. He said, "good move", gave me his move 12...b4 and the positions of other Near Earth Objects (NEO) to try my bounce off . I was surprised to find that some of them were not in the Home Planet data base of 5732 asteroids, meteors and comets nor in the LINEAR data base ( MIT data base of NEO's), but each time I transmitted I got the corresponding bounce signal within an acceptable db range 30 and time window. 13 cxb4 cxb4 I thought these guys in Malta were good. In my next move 14 Bb3 I told Mr. Saint,."Some objects were too far for my equipment". He told me on his next move, a perfect bounce 14 Nxb3, that the Rail Roads in Florida have remote controlled breakers on their ground system, and at certain times you can use the Rail Road tracks as a giant antenna. The message also included the times , track configurations, and suggested I take a portable transmitter and hook up. But I had never heard of this.

Elmer John Siks seemed surprised when I told him about this but smiled and said, "We are every where." It worked 16 axb3 On Feb 28 I got the move 16...Bb7 with the Question why are we making bacteria adapt to super high pressures is it to Kill those ugly Extra Terrestrials. I remembered reading on Yahoo News the day before that someone took the bacteria E.coli and exposed it to pressures 16000 times the pressure at sea level. It adapted and survived. Then I remembered someone asking me not to Hum during a tournament and realized this was another ploy to distract me. I complained to Elmer Siks who also acted as tournament director. He acted very surprised at the question and awarded me the win because my opponent tried to distract me. Then ordered me to dismantle my equiptment to give it a rest. But I have not seen or heard from my Elmer since.

Please investigate.

 Our investigation was divided into eight parts.

First a member tried to contact Abe Saint (9HA3CP) via E-mail to get his version of events. He got an automated response that our E-mails were being blocked.

Second a member decided to investigate the feasibility of using ungrounded rail road tracks as antennas.

2A) A member asked Physicist Jonney Myers he sad "Why not? But I never heard of it."

 2B) A member asked JCC Treasurer Claud Fosshee a long time employee of the rail road if he ever heard of it. He said "No" but immediately resigned as Treasurer before we could ask him about the Elmers of Chess. (We now need a new Treasurer members please apply!) Third our goal was to find out about possible Elmer infiltration of Florida Chess Clubs.

3A) To get some background on the subject a member asked John Ellis president of the JCC. What exactly is an Elmer? He said "I never heard of the term." We have people willing to testify at an open Board of Directors Meeting that he was the Ham Radio Air Traffic Controller for all of Florida in 1976.

3B) A member tried to contact Gerald Sohn President of the Orange Park Chess Club to ask about the Elmers but was told by his secretary "He was unavailable for comment, because he's busy with a project involving Satellites in orbit designed for Ham Radio use.

Forth a member contacted chess players on the Island of Malta to ask about Elmers Chess there. He was told in no uncertain terms that the Maltese Chess Federation wants all communication with the Jax Chess News to stop!

Fifth A member called the FCC (Federal Communication Commission) and asked " Could anyone make such perfect bounces off of NEO?" Their response was to hang up on him.

 Sixth We tackled the strange question accompanying moves during the game.

 6A). Bacteria - Mikle Kruge a marine biologist and chess player on pogo says, "I understands the misunderstanding. We just wanted to see if Bacteria could exist under the Surface of Mars, but someone thought we were trying to adapt the Bacteria to Kill them."

6B) Plasma Shields - Physicist Johnny Myers says, "I never thought of creating a device that would disperse heavy acetone and then detonate it by a sonic trigger to create a plasm shield with temperatures of perhaps 10 million degrees as an application, but I will check with a friend who works as a defense contractor for NATO." Johnny has not returned our calls for two weeks and his neighbors say he must have moved out of town.

 Seventh a member tried to contact Elmer John Siks, because we were told by a Ham Radio expert that radio equipment does not have to be disassembled to get a rest. John Siks neighbors all the same thing, "I never heard of him and mind your own busines."

 Eighth We tried to contact NASA about the Elmers of Malta and their connection with Project Star Shine. All we got is a recording that says " Due to security concerns for the first time in a decade the agency is not giving Shuttle launch times in advance."

Conclusions: Despite the senseless clamor of my committee, I feel this is all just a lot of coincidence, paranoia, suspicion and innuendo. Nothing to worry about! I mean Elmers it sounds like a glue. Respectfully Submitted by Brad Zang [Chairman JCN Elmers Chess Investigation Committee March 23, 2002]